We present short programs that demonstrate the unsoundness of Java and Scala's current type systems. In particular, these programs provide parametrically polymorphic functions that can turn any type into any type without (down)casting. Fortunately, parametric polymorphism was not integrated into the Java Virtual Machine (JVM), so these examples do not demonstrate any unsoundness of the JVM. Nonetheless, we discuss broader implications of these findings on the field of programming languages.